the sex lives of married ministers

I'll be honest ... I like titles that are a little shocking. Once or twice I've been accused of overselling content with a titillating title. Today this is the case. Tasha and I recently wrote an article for the print version of Group Magazine titles, "The Enemy of Sex." In the article, we discuss several intimacy killers and offer some insights on how you can work through them.

Jonathan McKee just posted a blog about marriage and intimacy titled, "Promiscuity or Monogamy." In his article, he cites some research on marital happiness as it's influenced by sexuality. Tasha has often said that our culture views God's views on sex like health food - it's good for me, but I'm sacrificing the good stuff to get it - and culture's views on sex like, well, the good stuff. I always find it amazing when research "proves" Kingdom of God choices are better and more life-giving. Read the two articles and see how they sit with you.


What do you think?

the BFF game

A few weeks ago, we created a powerpoint game to setup that weekend's message about friendships. If you're interested, you can download it from the youthministry.com website.

Best of all, it's free!


What do you think?

team levert

A couple of times a month, Tasha and I blog for youthministry.com on the topic of marriage and ministry.

Check out our lastest blog on [professionalism]. 

We recognize not everyone comes down on the same place on these topics, but you'll get some insights on our family values as a married couple with kids in youth ministry.



What do you think?

i hate all your shows

This week I've been working on our upcoming message series, "Wake Up," and I rediscovered an old Jon Foreman song. I admit it's a tad awkward, but I find it incredibly powerful and convicting. It's rooted pretty clearly in Amos 5, especially vv 21-24:

“21 I hate all your show and pretense—the hypocrisy of your religious festivals and solemn assemblies.

22 I will not accept your burnt offerings and grain offerings. I won’t even notice all your choice peace offerings.

23 Away with your noisy hymns of praise! I will not listen to the music of your harps.

24 Instead, I want to see a mighty flood of justice, an endless river of righteous living.

May God never find us guilty of reducing worship to something we do instead of a reflection of who and Whose we are.

What do you think?

changing your #selfie image

I confess . . . I'm fascinated by the selfie. 

I don't take them, but I'm interested in the who/what/why of others' selfies. 

When it's someone I know, it gives me a little glimpse into their lives - what are they doing? where are they? why are they taking the pic? I find the whole thing fascinating.

Are selfies selfish? Are they innocent ways to express your thoughts/ideas and share what's going on in your life?

It's likely we would all agree that some selfies are inappropriate (nudity, vulgarity, etc.), but is that our only criteria for posting a selfie? The whole conversation reminds me of one of my favorite Seinfeld clips.

I'm not suggesting that all selfies are selfish, I'm just asking if sometimes we go overboard. As an adult, I recognize that everything I post in the social media world says something about me -- good or bad, right or wrong.

So what am I saying? Who am I presenting to an online world? These are questions I need to answer for myself, but they're also questions I need to ask and help my teenager answer. 

Cara Joyner posted an excellent article on Relevant's ezine titled, "5 Questions to Ask Before Posting to Social Media." I highly recommend reading the entire article )and sharing it with your students), but here is the list of questions Joyner challenges us to ask:

• Am I seeking approval?
• Am I bosting?
• Am I discontent?
• Is this a moment to protect?
• Is it kind?

 As I scroll through my own images, I realize I would probably NOT have posted some things had I asked myself these questions beforehand.


And instead of simply changing the way we post about ourselves, what if we also started posting positive things about others? Jeanne Prejean suggests making 2014 the year of the unselfie, taking pictures of other people and encouraging them through social media. 

And if you're really creative, you can continue the campaign started by Giving Tuesday last November by taking a picture of a charity you want to support and adding the hashtags #unselfie and #givingtuesday. They might help you spread the word by including your #unselfie on their website, unselfie.me. 


How could you turn the 2013 Oxford Dictionary's Word of the Year upside-down? Make it about something or someone other than yourself. Use your voice to be an encouragement to others, and help raise awareness of a need that is important to you. Seems like a good reflection Paul's words in Philippians 2:3-4: 

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. (NLT)

What do you think?
 

the souls of our daughters

OK, I'll admit, the title is a little melodramatic. But I'm not sorry. As the dad of three daughters (and the husband of a wife), I am awfully aware of the awful struggle every woman in our culture faces regarding their bodies and sexuality.

*** I am not dismissive of the pressure men face in the same areas, but researchers (here here here and here) have shown a much stronger statistical decline in self-esteem in adolescent young women than young men; the decline lasts longer; and for some young women self-esteem never recovers.***

Thankfully, the over-sexualization and objectification of women is not a topic that's kept in the margins, but the conversation is gaining mainstream momentum as more and more media outlets are sharing stories and examples and statistics on the dangerous road we're on as a society.


I was particularly challenged by Caroline Heldman's TedTalk on the sexualization of women. Heldman feels today's culture is so overly sexualized, we can hardly recognize it -- that sexual objectification is so engrained in our culture that many adolescents struggle to see it. She said, "It's like being raised in a red room, being pulled out of that room, and asked to describe the color red."

To help us re-learn some critical thinking/viewing skills, Heldman shared seven questions one could ask to help determine if an image or video is sexually objectifying someone.

1. Does the image/video show only parts of a sexualized person's body?
2. Does the image/video present a sexualized person as a stand-in for an object?
3. Does the image/video show a sexualized person as interchangeable?
4. Does the image/video affirm the idea of violating the bodily integrity of a sexualized person that can't consent?
5. Does the image/video suggest that sexual availability is the defining characteristic of the person?
6. Does the image/video show a sexualized person as a commodity?
7. Does the image/video treat a sexualized person's body as a canvas?

I was challenged as I read through the list, reflecting on my own viewing habits and the ease at which I allow myself to be numbed. You can watch her talk here.


A few others worth mentioning:

• The company that makes Dove soap has done an amazing job shining light on this topic. While it might be for strategic/marketing purposes, their self-esteem campaign is worth supporting.
• Watch Jean Kilbourne's five minute presentation of how popular media (particularly advertising)
  distorts and shapes society's view of women.
• Cameron Russel shared a powerful TedTalk on the sexualization of adolescents from her own story as a Victoria's secret model.
• Kate Winslet is one of the most outspoken celebrity advocates for change. You can find lots of her comments about body image on the web; here's a great article that summarizes some of her thoughts. 

As a dad, husband, and Christ-follower, what do I do with all this? How do I help the women in my family -- and all women in my life --  process the pervasive message of our culture in light of the truth of the Kingdom of God? How do my own choices shape their views and understandings of themselves as women and children of God? How do we disciple our daughters to live a different (Kingdom) story in the midst of a dominant (cultural) story in a way that is compassionate and hope-filled? And how do I help them resist the urge to isolate and withdraw from culture, and instead overcome evil with good?

It's things like this that make me homesick for the Kingdom . . .


What do you think?

new beginnings and a dangerous proposition

As many of you know, Tasha and I have been in transition for the past few months. After four short years in Columbus, Ohio, God moved us home to Louisiana to begin serving on the team at the Vineyard Church in New Orleans. While we've grieved the loss/distance of some of our closer relationships, we are celebrating what God is doing as we reconnect with family and friends now that we're home again.

The Vineyard is a great place with a ginormous Kingdom vision. The people I'm working with are amazing. (I'm sure I'll discover that they're also pretty weird - like us - but for now we're sticking with "amazing.") The potential to see God do cool stuff is high. In short, we're excited to turn the page into this new year.

This weekend, I made the announcements in one of our gatherings. As I introduced our pastor, I said, "Ladies and gentlemen, the most dangerous pastor in America." I'm not sure why I said that. Just something the Holy Spirit (or last night's tacos) nudged me to do. Building on that, our pastor commented several times how dangerous it would be if followers of Jesus took seriously God's invitation to live a life that reveals His kingdom. I've been rolling that word over in my mind since the weekend . . . dangerous.

Do I live a dangerous life? Not reckless, not irresponsible, but dangerously trusting and following God's every nudging in my life.

Or am I afraid? Do I like my personal comfort so much that I'm not willing to do anything to rock the boat? 

When Jesus says, "See that guy over there? Go say something to him," or, "Remember that lady you talked with last weekend? Email her and see how she's doing," how do I respond? Or when I'm tempted to trust myself over Jesus - by choosing to sin, or choosing to be lazy, or choosing to be selfish - what do I choose?

Living a dangerous life is . . . well . . . dangerous. You might end up sitting in places that are off the beaten path. You might end up having conversations that aren't super comfortable. You might end up giving away something that you thought you couldn't live without.

But living a dangerous life in and for the Kingdom of God is . . . well . . . amazing. No regrets. Life abundantly. Filled with passion and purpose and hope and joy and peace and love and adventure. That's the kind of life I want to live. I just hope I trust God enough to follow Him, even when it seems dangerous.


What do you think?