In honor of everyone else’s brilliance, we thought it might be fun to share our un-brilliance. We’re limiting the list to 10, but we could easily turn this into a multi-part series. Heck, we might even be able to categorize by the liturgical calendar if we could get organized enough to find a pen.
Left a student behind. His name was Michael. We really ...
This blog was first posted in two parts at youthministry.com. You can read the rest here.
What do you think?
random comments about life and faith for students, parents, youth leaders, and anyone else who finds them helpful or entertaining
Showing posts with label students. Show all posts
Showing posts with label students. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Friday, April 10, 2015
teens, anxiety, and youth ministry
The modern teen is stressed out. With sports travel teams, AP classes, gifted programs, standardized testing, band/dance/cheer/sports camps, and college application essays, today’s teenager feels the pressure to perform. And this doesn’t take into account the anxiety of dating, social media, loneliness, peer pressure, peer approval, faith, etc.
Anxiety specialist Dr. Richard Leahy was quoted as saying ...
This blog was first posted in two parts at youthministry.com. You can read part one here and part two here.
What do you think?
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
the sexualization of our culture, part 4
For the past few weeks, we’ve talked about several key themes related to building a healthy understanding of sexuality from a Kingdom-of-God-perspective. (Click for Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.) This week we’ll wrap things up with what we believe are the two biggest challenges facing students (an adults) in this struggle.
The first challenge is trusting that the Kingdom of God is best.
The word “faith” in the Bible has always struck us as a little peculiar. For many years ...
This blog was first posted at youthministry.com. You can read the entire article here.
What do you think?
The first challenge is trusting that the Kingdom of God is best.
The word “faith” in the Bible has always struck us as a little peculiar. For many years ...
This blog was first posted at youthministry.com. You can read the entire article here.
What do you think?
Saturday, March 7, 2015
the sexualization of our culture, part 3
We regularly remind our students that the decisions they make today shape who they’ll be tomorrow. This statement is easy to apply to sexuality, but we must...
This blog was first posted at youthministry.com. You can read the entire article here.
What do you think?
Sunday, February 22, 2015
the sexualization of our culture, part 1
You may remember a few months ago when two female high school teachers were accused of having group sex with a male high school student. I was concerned because 1) I’m a human, 2) I work with teenagers, and 3) this is the school Elle (my 14-year-old daughter) attends. When the news broke...
This blog was first posted at youthministry.com. You can read the entire article here.
What do you think?
What do you think?
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
youth ministry lessons from coach les miles
In the interest of full disclosure, I am an LSU alum, fan, and supporter of all things LSU – including our head football coach, Les Miles.
ESPN has been running a series of interest pieces on coaches’ offices. I was excited to see Coach Miles profiled in October. As interesting as the article was for me as an LSU fan, I was most intrigued to read Coach Miles’ comments about a simple white football with the names of ...
[This blog was originally posted at youthministry.com. You can read the whole thing here.]
What do you think?
ESPN has been running a series of interest pieces on coaches’ offices. I was excited to see Coach Miles profiled in October. As interesting as the article was for me as an LSU fan, I was most intrigued to read Coach Miles’ comments about a simple white football with the names of ...
[This blog was originally posted at youthministry.com. You can read the whole thing here.]
What do you think?
Thursday, February 6, 2014
the BFF game
A few weeks ago, we created a powerpoint game to setup that weekend's message about friendships. If you're interested, you can download it from the youthministry.com website.
Best of all, it's free!
What do you think?
Best of all, it's free!
What do you think?
Friday, January 31, 2014
team levert
A couple of times a month, Tasha and I blog for youthministry.com on the topic of marriage and ministry.Check out our lastest blog on [professionalism].
We recognize not everyone comes down on the same place on these topics, but you'll get some insights on our family values as a married couple with kids in youth ministry.
What do you think?
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
changing your #selfie image
I confess . . . I'm fascinated by the selfie.
I don't take them, but I'm interested in the who/what/why of others' selfies.
When it's someone I know, it gives me a little glimpse into their lives - what are they doing? where are they? why are they taking the pic? I find the whole thing fascinating.
Are selfies selfish? Are they innocent ways to express your thoughts/ideas and share what's going on in your life?
It's likely we would all agree that some selfies are inappropriate (nudity, vulgarity, etc.), but is that our only criteria for posting a selfie? The whole conversation reminds me of one of my favorite Seinfeld clips.
I'm not suggesting that all selfies are selfish, I'm just asking if sometimes we go overboard. As an adult, I recognize that everything I post in the social media world says something about me -- good or bad, right or wrong.
So what am I saying? Who am I presenting to an online world? These are questions I need to answer for myself, but they're also questions I need to ask and help my teenager answer.
Cara Joyner posted an excellent article on Relevant's ezine titled, "5 Questions to Ask Before Posting to Social Media." I highly recommend reading the entire article )and sharing it with your students), but here is the list of questions Joyner challenges us to ask:
And instead of simply changing the way we post about ourselves, what if we also started posting positive things about others? Jeanne Prejean suggests making 2014 the year of the unselfie, taking pictures of other people and encouraging them through social media.
And if you're really creative, you can continue the campaign started by Giving Tuesday last November by taking a picture of a charity you want to support and adding the hashtags #unselfie and #givingtuesday. They might help you spread the word by including your #unselfie on their website, unselfie.me.
How could you turn the 2013 Oxford Dictionary's Word of the Year upside-down? Make it about something or someone other than yourself. Use your voice to be an encouragement to others, and help raise awareness of a need that is important to you. Seems like a good reflection Paul's words in Philippians 2:3-4:
What do you think?
I don't take them, but I'm interested in the who/what/why of others' selfies.
When it's someone I know, it gives me a little glimpse into their lives - what are they doing? where are they? why are they taking the pic? I find the whole thing fascinating.
Are selfies selfish? Are they innocent ways to express your thoughts/ideas and share what's going on in your life?
It's likely we would all agree that some selfies are inappropriate (nudity, vulgarity, etc.), but is that our only criteria for posting a selfie? The whole conversation reminds me of one of my favorite Seinfeld clips.
I'm not suggesting that all selfies are selfish, I'm just asking if sometimes we go overboard. As an adult, I recognize that everything I post in the social media world says something about me -- good or bad, right or wrong.
So what am I saying? Who am I presenting to an online world? These are questions I need to answer for myself, but they're also questions I need to ask and help my teenager answer.
Cara Joyner posted an excellent article on Relevant's ezine titled, "5 Questions to Ask Before Posting to Social Media." I highly recommend reading the entire article )and sharing it with your students), but here is the list of questions Joyner challenges us to ask:
- Am I seeking approval?
- Am I bosting?
- Am I discontent?
- Is this a moment to protect?
- Is it kind?
And instead of simply changing the way we post about ourselves, what if we also started posting positive things about others? Jeanne Prejean suggests making 2014 the year of the unselfie, taking pictures of other people and encouraging them through social media.
And if you're really creative, you can continue the campaign started by Giving Tuesday last November by taking a picture of a charity you want to support and adding the hashtags #unselfie and #givingtuesday. They might help you spread the word by including your #unselfie on their website, unselfie.me.
How could you turn the 2013 Oxford Dictionary's Word of the Year upside-down? Make it about something or someone other than yourself. Use your voice to be an encouragement to others, and help raise awareness of a need that is important to you. Seems like a good reflection Paul's words in Philippians 2:3-4:
Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. (NLT)
What do you think?
Thursday, January 23, 2014
the souls of our daughters
OK, I'll admit, the title is a little melodramatic. But I'm not sorry. As the dad of three daughters (and the husband of a wife), I am awfully aware of the awful struggle every woman in our culture faces regarding their bodies and sexuality.
*** I am not dismissive of the pressure men face in the same areas, but researchers (here here here and here) have shown a much stronger statistical decline in self-esteem in adolescent young women than young men; the decline lasts longer; and for some young women self-esteem never recovers.***
Thankfully, the over-sexualization and objectification of women is not a topic that's kept in the margins, but the conversation is gaining mainstream momentum as more and more media outlets are sharing stories and examples and statistics on the dangerous road we're on as a society.
I was particularly challenged by Caroline Heldman's TedTalk on the sexualization of women. Heldman feels today's culture is so overly sexualized, we can hardly recognize it -- that sexual objectification is so engrained in our culture that many adolescents struggle to see it. She said, "It's like being raised in a red room, being pulled out of that room, and asked to describe the color red."
To help us re-learn some critical thinking/viewing skills, Heldman shared seven questions one could ask to help determine if an image or video is sexually objectifying someone.
A few others worth mentioning:
As a dad, husband, and Christ-follower, what do I do with all this? How do I help the women in my family -- and all women in my life -- process the pervasive message of our culture in light of the truth of the Kingdom of God? How do my own choices shape their views and understandings of themselves as women and children of God? How do we disciple our daughters to live a different (Kingdom) story in the midst of a dominant (cultural) story in a way that is compassionate and hope-filled? And how do I help them resist the urge to isolate and withdraw from culture, and instead overcome evil with good?
It's things like this that make me homesick for the Kingdom . . .
What do you think?
*** I am not dismissive of the pressure men face in the same areas, but researchers (here here here and here) have shown a much stronger statistical decline in self-esteem in adolescent young women than young men; the decline lasts longer; and for some young women self-esteem never recovers.***
Thankfully, the over-sexualization and objectification of women is not a topic that's kept in the margins, but the conversation is gaining mainstream momentum as more and more media outlets are sharing stories and examples and statistics on the dangerous road we're on as a society.
I was particularly challenged by Caroline Heldman's TedTalk on the sexualization of women. Heldman feels today's culture is so overly sexualized, we can hardly recognize it -- that sexual objectification is so engrained in our culture that many adolescents struggle to see it. She said, "It's like being raised in a red room, being pulled out of that room, and asked to describe the color red."
To help us re-learn some critical thinking/viewing skills, Heldman shared seven questions one could ask to help determine if an image or video is sexually objectifying someone.
- Does the image/video show only parts of a sexualized person's body?
- Does the image/video present a sexualized person as a stand-in for an object?
- Does the image/video show a sexualized person as interchangeable?
- Does the image/video affirm the idea of violating the bodily integrity of a sexualized person that can't consent?
- Does the image/video suggest that sexual availability is the defining characteristic of the person?
- Does the image/video show a sexualized person as a commodity?
- Does the image/video treat a sexualized person's body as a canvas?
A few others worth mentioning:
- The company that makes Dove soap has done an amazing job shining light on this topic. While it might be for strategic/marketing purposes, their self-esteem campaign is worth supporting.
- Watch Jean Kilbourne's five minute presentation of how popular media (particularly advertising)
distorts and shapes society's view of women. - Cameron Russel shared a powerful TedTalk on the sexualization of adolescents from her own story as a Victoria's secret model.
- Kate Winslet is one of the most outspoken celebrity advocates for change. You can find lots of her comments about body image on the web; here's a great article that summarizes some of her thoughts.
As a dad, husband, and Christ-follower, what do I do with all this? How do I help the women in my family -- and all women in my life -- process the pervasive message of our culture in light of the truth of the Kingdom of God? How do my own choices shape their views and understandings of themselves as women and children of God? How do we disciple our daughters to live a different (Kingdom) story in the midst of a dominant (cultural) story in a way that is compassionate and hope-filled? And how do I help them resist the urge to isolate and withdraw from culture, and instead overcome evil with good?
It's things like this that make me homesick for the Kingdom . . .
What do you think?
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
dealing with conflict between parents and teenagers
Everyone gets in conflict. And every parent gets in conflict with their teenager. It's inevitable. Most parents suggest conflict with their teenager goes poorly at best, and most teenagers generally agree. But both sides claim to want things to be better relationally.
So what can we do?
Here are some general themes that I hope guide my own parenting when it comes to dealing with conflict with my teenager.
1. Model Healthy Conflict Skills
2. Establish Healthy Rules of Engagement
3. Give My Kids the Benefit of the Doubt
Once I settle into these themes, here are some "best practices" of conflict resolution I've learned over the years.
The bottom line is, conflict with your teenager is inevitable. How will you reply?
What do you think?
So what can we do?
Here are some general themes that I hope guide my own parenting when it comes to dealing with conflict with my teenager.
1. Model Healthy Conflict Skills
I have conflict in my life, and the people closest to me - including my own children - see how I act and react in the midst of it. It's important that I'm living well in front of my students to help them learn to live well in their own areas of conflict. Specifically, I need to speak truth in love. Truth without loves postures me as a jerk. Love without truth postures me as a pushover. (The best research I've seen on this balance comes from Reuben Hill's Minnesota Report.) It's also important that I guard my words and avoid gossip. My children need to see me showing respect to the people I'm in conflict with if I hope they'll show respect to me when we're in conflict. I also need to forgive freely. Forgiveness isn't easy, but for a follower of Christ, it's not negotiable. It may not happen overnight, but God calls me to make a clear choice to trust His way and be moving towards forgiveness in every broken relationship.
2. Establish Healthy Rules of Engagement
I want my children to trust and value our relationship enough to work hard at keeping things healthy. I want them to know they can always come to me to tell me how they feel, even (maybe especially) if I've done something to hurt them. There's a right time and a right place for conflict, but as the parent, I must make time and space available to receive my children when they are initiating conflict.
3. Give My Kids the Benefit of the Doubt
Like yours, my kids want to be treated with respect and trust beyond their years, capacity, or what they've earned. In some moments, my kids are amazing - well-behaved, well-mannered, and well-adjusted. In other moments, my kids act like Satan's spawn. Like you, I find this both exciting and terrifying. But the truth is, as our teenagers move through puberty, identity formation is at the forefront of their developmental process. I.E., I should expect my adolescent to bounce all over the emotional map. One way I help them continue to move forward is by treating them as if they're acting the way I want them to act. By doing this, I am shaping their future responses to the challenges of life.
Once I settle into these themes, here are some "best practices" of conflict resolution I've learned over the years.
- Pray. Seriously, don't just say you'll pray - pray for your relationship with your teenager will be stronger as a result of your upcoming conversation. And pray with your teenager at the beginning of the conversation.
- Strive for a win-win. If you end up with a winner and a loser, everyone loses. You may win the conflict with your teenager, but you risk losing the long-term health of the relationship.
- Use good communication skills. I found this article by googling "good communication skills." Be in awe of my research skills.
- Schedule a time to talk. Give your student time to think about the topic you want to address.
- Avoid lengthy rabbit trails. Don't get sidetracked with insignificant details, who started what, etc. Stay on the topic at hand, and deal with it well.
- Keep your relationship as your priority. The long-term goals of parenting aren't visible for years - maybe decades. Hopefully, one of your goals is a healthy adult relationship with your teenager when they grow into their own story.
- Keep your words personal to you and about you. It's better to say, "I felt embarrassed when you said . . ." rather than, "You embarrassed me when you . . ."
- Be vulnerable. I believe God uses the power of vulnerability to break down walls of conflict. Check out two TedTalks be Brene Brown here and here.
- Be specific about what you need to move on. It may be as simple as asking for an explanation for a certain act or statement. It may be asking for a change of behavior in certain situations. Don't make your teenager guess what you need.
- Choose to accept an apology if your teenager offers. Make it a point to say, "I accept your apology, and I appreciate your heart in talking with me about this."
- Choose to offer an apology if you've hurt your teenager. I would err on the side of over-offering an apology, even if it's, "I'm sorry that I hurt you when I said . . ."
- Reach out a little later. Conflict is always awkward. the first few interactions after conflict are equally awkward. Be the adult and initiate some healthy relationship interaction a day or so after the conflict.
The bottom line is, conflict with your teenager is inevitable. How will you reply?
What do you think?
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
a massive survey of students
I just finished a small writing assignment, where I was asked to give some feedback and share some observations on a survey of 20k students that participated in a Christian summer camp in 2012. The vast majority of students were solid, deeply committed to Christ and the local church. Without going into too much detail, one of my biggest takeaways was that we need to address core issues of the Kingdom of God well and often. It's tempting to get caught up in trendy topics and surface level conversations, but students are asking for something deeper and more substantive. (The full article will appear in an upcoming issue of Group Magazine. Check it out!)
With that in mind, several friends were asking what we were giving our graduates for their "congratulations . . . now get out of the youth group" gift. This year, we're giving students Jonathan Morrow's, Welcome to College: A Christ-Follower's Guide for the Journey. It's a challenging read that will give students peace that they can live for Christ in college, and it will begin to normalize the inevitable ridicule they'll face as they stand up for their beliefs on campus.
Last year, we gave students Ben Hardman's, Thrive: Do More Than Survive Your Faith. It's a little more pragmatic than Morrow's book, focusing more on the personal habits we hope our students have developed while in our student ministries.
Honestly, anything that we can put in students' hands that will keep them connected to Christ and the local church while they're in college will have a massive impact on how sticky their faith will be throughout the course of their lives.
What do you think?
With that in mind, several friends were asking what we were giving our graduates for their "congratulations . . . now get out of the youth group" gift. This year, we're giving students Jonathan Morrow's, Welcome to College: A Christ-Follower's Guide for the Journey. It's a challenging read that will give students peace that they can live for Christ in college, and it will begin to normalize the inevitable ridicule they'll face as they stand up for their beliefs on campus.
Last year, we gave students Ben Hardman's, Thrive: Do More Than Survive Your Faith. It's a little more pragmatic than Morrow's book, focusing more on the personal habits we hope our students have developed while in our student ministries.
Honestly, anything that we can put in students' hands that will keep them connected to Christ and the local church while they're in college will have a massive impact on how sticky their faith will be throughout the course of their lives.
What do you think?
Friday, April 26, 2013
big picture thoughts on youth ministry
I just finished working on a project articulating my overall thoughts on youth ministry. It's been a while since I thought in these terms, and it was a fun exercise. I'd love to hear your thoughts -- what am I missing? what (if anything) do you like?
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In it's simplest form, youth ministry should welcome all students (regardless of anything), give them a safe place to figure out what they believe about Jesus, and offer opportunities for them to work out their place in God's Kingdom.
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In it's simplest form, youth ministry should welcome all students (regardless of anything), give them a safe place to figure out what they believe about Jesus, and offer opportunities for them to work out their place in God's Kingdom.
- I believe healthy youth ministry exists to help students grow in their trust in God.
- a strategy rooted in Ephesians 4:11-14, recognizing the role students play in the coming of the Kingdom of God on school campuses
- a clear plan for helping students move from disinterested pre-Christian to seeker to new Christ-follower to committed Christ-follower
- balance growth in understanding (head), compassion (heart), and service (hands)
- I believe healthy youth ministry challenges students to live and reveal the Kingdom of God.
- The Kingdom of God is God's plan for creation – life as God intends us to live.
- As Christ-followers pursue the life Jesus called us to live (which is the best way to live) our lives prompt others to ask us why our lives are different.
- We reveal God's Kingdom first with our lives, then with our words.
- I believe healthy youth ministry is highly relational. Every program or event in youth ministry should be designed to deepen relationships.
- relationships with God
- begins by trusting Jesus
- nurtured by developing healthy habits
- appropriate nudging of all students to take next steps in their relationship with God
- relationships among students
- safe environment for students to seek Jesus at all “stages” of trust
- space for students to deepen their friendships with other students
- consistent opportunities for students to learn about and practice serving others
- occasional times to connect with other students from other places
- relationships with healthy adults
- modeling healthy community among the youth staff and in the larger church
- healthy adults who become significant influences in students' lives
- adults have as much to learn from students as students have to learn from adults
- relationships in the home
- foster healthy connections with students and their parents and siblings
- I believe the following core values should guide everything we do:
- acceptance
- authenticity
- creativity
- expectancy
- family
- fun and laughter
- growth
- intimacy
- Jesus-centered
- mystery
- purpose
- relationships
- risk
- shared leadership
What do you think?
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
students and pornography
I stumbled upon my dad's Playboy stash before I reached 3rd grade. I had no idea what I was looking at, and truthfully I sensed that it was wrong for me to be looking at it. But my own curiosity plus the understanding that this was something my dad was looking at convinced me to look, look some more, and keep looking.
As I grew into middle school and high school, I kept tabs on where to find more pornographic material -- in my own home and in my friends' homes -- and I continued to nurture my habit. I wasn't an addict by psychological standards, but I was far from pure in my thoughts and actions.
When I responded to God's pursuing love and began a trusting relationship with him, I repented of my sexual sin and began pursing purity. My understanding changed, and I knew I didn't want to do this anymore, but the habit that started in the 3rd grade was a difficult one to break.
Keep in mind, I was born in 1972, so my struggles peaked in the 80s, when pornography was still a socially inappropriate habit, and accessing pornography took a degree of risk and personal interaction (like going to a seedy store in a bad part of town dealing with a shady character). Students today find pornography to be more accessible, affordable, and anonymous. (In a 1998 article, "The Triple-A Engine," Cooper, Delmonico, and Burg first identified these three "A"s related to sexual pursuits and the internet. As research on sex addiction and the internet has continued, researchers have now identified seven "A"s contributing to internet-related intimacy problems. Click here for an updated summary of research.) The ease of securing pornography -- defined as explicit sexual videos and images -- is evidenced in current statistics (source: digitalkidsinitiative.com).
- the average age of first exposure to internet pornography is 11
- only 3% of teenage males and 17% of teenage female have never seen internet pornography
- the 12-17 year-old age group is the largest consumer of internet pornography
- 70% of teenage males have spent more than 30 consecutive minutes looking at internet pornography; 35% of teenage males have done this on more than ten occasions
- 23% of teenage females have spent more than 30 consecutive minutes looking at internet pornography; 14% of teenage females have done this on more than ten occasions
- female internet pornography usage is not as image-focused, but females are considerably more likely to agree to meet in person someone they've met online
The social effects of pornography include:
- belief that sexual promiscuity is natural and normal; belief that sexual abstinence and sexual inactivity are abnormal and unhealthy
- belief that marriage is sexually confining
- increased acceptance of sexual perversions (bestiality, group sex, bondage, etc.)
- the commodification of sex and the sexual objectification of persons
Researchers are now discovering that pornography addiction actually causes biological changes in human brain functions.
- click here for an academic explanation of these chemicals and healthy sexuality
- click here for an academic explanation of pornography's interaction with these chemicals
- click here and here for more readable explanation of pornography's interaction with these chemicals
You probably get the point: pornography is a dangerous, pervasive issue that our students -- and we -- are dealing with and will continue to deal with.
So what can we do? Below are four simple suggestions of things parents can do to help their students navigate the messiness of our culture's obsession with sexuality and the dangers of pornography.
1. Teach (or reteach) a healthy, Biblical, hope-filled view of sexuality. Many of us need to start by developing a healthier view of sexuality for ourselves. Once we began that journey, we must share our understanding with our students.
Please hear me acknowledge that this is an uncomfortable, awkward, stressful, and beautiful conversation. Our students need us to be healthy adults in their lives. And you can do it!
Some resources that I've found helpful (all of these links open in my amazon astore):
- A Celebration of Sex, Douglas Rosenau
- The Volunteers Back Pocket Guide to Sex, Craig Gross (from xxxchurch) and Cris Logan
- A Parent's Guide to Understanding Teenage Girls, Mark Oestreicher and Brooklyn Lindsey
- A Parent's Guide to Understanding Teenage Guys, Mark Oestreicher and Brock Morgan
- 99 Things Every Girl Should Know, Neely McQueen
- 99 Things Every Guy Should Know, Jeffrey Wallace and Matty McCage
2. Set high standards. Our students are bombarded with messages that assume they will screw up; society has concluded that students are incapable of making good choices. It's our job to remind them that with the power of God in their lives, they can choose to trust him and his plan and his way of life and not regret it.
I know many adults who back off on setting high standards for a couple of reasons:
- "At least they're not as bad as I was at their age." The truth is, we should celebrate when God is honoring our prayers and efforts and sparing our students from making the same mistakes is. The lie is that our standard is good enough.
- "They're doing so much better than most of their peers." Again, we should celebrate God's faithfulness in our student's lives. But I believe most students will rise to the occasion when healthy adults in their lives challenge them and encourage them to live into God's story.
God's way is always best, and our students need healthy adults in their lives telling them this truth!
3. Be preventative. Before pornography becomes an issue, I suggest two things that will help us be preventative in the struggle with pornography in our students' lives.
- Our conversations with our students can begin in their earliest years, by the way we talk about important topics. Focus on the Family has an incredibly robust section of articles on parenting and sexuality. Researchers at the National Center for Biblical Parenting suggest the following general guidelines for age-appropriate conversations:
- 3-5 yrs - why boys and girls are different
- 6-8 yrs - where babies come from
- 8-11 yrs - how you are changing
- 11-14 yrs - sex and the new you
- 14 and up - love, sex, and God
- Honest accountability will help our students remember that pornography is a big deal, and as parents, we are willing to work diligently to protect them. As a parent, I require my teenagers to sign a Family Digital Covenant of Conduct, which includes rules such as parents always having passwords to all email, facebook, twitter, etc., accounts; not sharing personal information online; etc. As a 40 year-old man, I am accountable to my wife and to two accountability partners for my decisions -- including my internet usage.I believe healthy parenting teaches students that it is healthy and normal to be in accountable relationships.
4. Be responsive. When we discover our student has accessed pornography, it is important to react appropriately. I don't want to over-react, but I don't want to under-react. I believe God's Holy Spirit is the only one who can help me and my wife navigate the appropriate response. Here are a few ideas:
- Begin with a conversation. Talk gently, ask good questions, and recognize that we are all broken and have this sexual struggle.
- Get the right kind of help. Depending on the depth of our student's struggle, this may mean having a conversation with a healthy adult (pastor, youth leader, family friend, etc.). The right help may mean investing in some study tools and some learning (xxxchurch.com is my go-to site for these resources.) The right kind of help may mean seeking a professional counselor -- I would recommend a Christian counselor with expertise and experience in sex addiction.
I know this is a long blog post. I hope you make the connection between the over-abundance of content and the seriousness of this issue. Pornography is no longer an "if it happens" struggle, but a "when it happens" struggle.
If you're struggling now, get help using the resources listed above. If your spouse is struggling now, help them get help. If your student is struggling now, act now. Be the healthy adults in their lives who make the difficult right decisions and step into the messiness of sex addiction.
I'll be praying for you.
What do you think?
Monday, March 18, 2013
the importance of backsliding
Don Miller posted some compelling thoughts on the importance of relapse in overcoming addictions. As you read, you'll see it's not the decision to repeat harmful/sinful behavior that's important, it's the way you're loved and forgiven by others and yourself that speaks to your process.
As I read and reflected on my own life, I also thought about implications for youth ministry. We may be tempted to balk at the seemingly endless "re-dedication" decision our students make on Thursday night of camp, but perhaps part of the process of their faith maturity is our willingness to model God's forgiveness and grace in our students' lives.
What do you think?
As I read and reflected on my own life, I also thought about implications for youth ministry. We may be tempted to balk at the seemingly endless "re-dedication" decision our students make on Thursday night of camp, but perhaps part of the process of their faith maturity is our willingness to model God's forgiveness and grace in our students' lives.
What do you think?
Friday, March 8, 2013
our people
Tasha and I spent last weekend with our people. By our people, I mean youth workers. To all the non-youth workers: I'm sorry, you just wouldn't understand :)
Anyway, the weekend in Indianapolis was amazing. Soul enriching. Battery recharging. Laughter inducing. Life changing.
God took me to school on a number of things -- I might share some thoughts after I unpack for a bit. But one of our highlights is the opportunity to spend time training other youth workers. (*** It's not that we're experts -- well, Tasha is an expert -- but we've learned lots of lessons in 20 years of youth minstry. ***) One of the workshops we taught was "Crisis Counseling Skills." It was the second year to teach it, and I think we made some solid strides forward in our content. We had a great time interacting with a packed room of people who pour their lives into students day-in and day-out. We learned a lot, cried a little, and walked out re-committed to God's calling on our lives to care for students.
As encouraging as the time was, we were extra-encouraged by a new friend, Nate Smith (twitter; blog), and his thoughts on the workshop. For those who are interested, you can download our notes here.
All this made me wonder why I'm not more connected with youth workers in my area? Do I really need to wait for a once-a-year opportunity? What can I do to network better with folks in my area? How do you do it?
What do you think?
Anyway, the weekend in Indianapolis was amazing. Soul enriching. Battery recharging. Laughter inducing. Life changing.
God took me to school on a number of things -- I might share some thoughts after I unpack for a bit. But one of our highlights is the opportunity to spend time training other youth workers. (*** It's not that we're experts -- well, Tasha is an expert -- but we've learned lots of lessons in 20 years of youth minstry. ***) One of the workshops we taught was "Crisis Counseling Skills." It was the second year to teach it, and I think we made some solid strides forward in our content. We had a great time interacting with a packed room of people who pour their lives into students day-in and day-out. We learned a lot, cried a little, and walked out re-committed to God's calling on our lives to care for students.
As encouraging as the time was, we were extra-encouraged by a new friend, Nate Smith (twitter; blog), and his thoughts on the workshop. For those who are interested, you can download our notes here.
All this made me wonder why I'm not more connected with youth workers in my area? Do I really need to wait for a once-a-year opportunity? What can I do to network better with folks in my area? How do you do it?
What do you think?
Friday, February 22, 2013
the simple truth bible
I can't begin to describe how excited and humbled I am to see this project on the shelves.
Nearly a year ago, Nadim Najm invited me to be the general editor of a devotional Bible project that was Biblically solid, relevant to students, and thorough enough to challenge seekers and deeply committed students to deepen their trust in Christ.
Here's the official Group promo stuff:
What do you think?
Nearly a year ago, Nadim Najm invited me to be the general editor of a devotional Bible project that was Biblically solid, relevant to students, and thorough enough to challenge seekers and deeply committed students to deepen their trust in Christ.
Here's the official Group promo stuff:
Imagine empowering your students to spend just a few minutes each day discovering a life-shaping, thought-provoking, Jesus-centered truth that can transform them into the kind of people God crafted them to be.Now let me share a few reasons why I'm even more excited. This devotional Bible includes a dozen or so articles that I believe will help students continue to grow in their trust in Christ. Articles on "how to read the Bible," "helpful spiritual disciplines," and "why do we have the Bible, anyway?" offer students additional help as they navigate their own faith journeys. Each devotion will take 5-10 minutes (including a guided prayer time), but there's an option for those who want a little something more. Plus, each devotion recognizes the passage of the day as one of four cycles of the overall story of the Bible:
Sounds like a worthwhile investment, doesn’t it?
The Simple Truth Bible features 366 daily devotionals—each one a tasty, bite-size morsel that powerfully reveals what it means to deeply love and trust God, to lead a Jesus-centered life, and to lean on Scripture for guidance and wisdom. Teenagers will discover how to experience hope in the middle of tough times, how God deeply and passionately loves them, how to build an authentic friendship with Jesus, and how they were created to lead a life of impact in this world and for eternity.
Each devotion includes:
The Simple Truth Bible features contributions from some of the leading voices in youth ministry today, including Kurt Johnston, Mark Oestreicher, Tim Levert, and Greg Stier. The writers skillfully connect the dots between the ancient truths of Scripture and the issues teenagers face living in the 21st century.
- Thoughts on a specific passage of Scripture and how it relates to students’ lives
- Insights to help teenagers turn their thoughts into prayers as they spend time with God
- Ideas to follow if students want to spend more than a few minutes each day with God
- Perspective on how that day’s passage fits into the big picture of the Bible
Help students join a generation of teenagers committed to experiencing God’s constant, daily presence in their lives!
Get it! Read it! Share it!
- oneness with God
- sin and separation
- consequences and crying out
- God hears and restores
What do you think?
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